EP 14 // Jay Howard

[00:00:14] Speaker A: What's up, you guys? Michael, straight here from the Proper form podcast. Excited for episode number 14 again, if you guys didn't know, we just kicked off season two. We took a little bit of a hiatus for about four to eight weeks from season one, and really pumped to get back in here with some awesome guests that we've got lined up for this season over these next 10 to 12 episodes. But episode number 14 with Jay Howard, good buddy from church, I've got to know. Our families have started to grow closer. I'm excited for our continued friendship. I was just saying on our last episode with Tamarcus, of just how appreciative we are of citizens, church, and just the kind of newer relationships and chapters with friends and people that have young kids like we have. And when I think about that, I think about Tamarcus. I told him that in that last episode, and I was thinking about you guys. You and Aaron. [00:00:57] Speaker B: Yeah, man. [00:00:58] Speaker A: Thanks for being here. [00:00:59] Speaker B: Yeah. Well, thank you for having me. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Heck, yeah. [00:01:00] Speaker B: It's good. [00:01:01] Speaker A: Yeah. So we actually. I was just telling Michael a little bit ago, who helps on the back end with all the podcast stuff, that we just had a fun trip out to my family's lake house with all of our families. [00:01:11] Speaker B: We did. [00:01:12] Speaker A: We had. Check this out. We had five families, so 10 adults, moms and dads, and 11 kids under five and a half, I think. Right? [00:01:23] Speaker B: Yeah, it was. That was an experience, man. I mean, you know, when you've got them running around, going crazy, especially at the lake where there's, you know, lots of dangerous stuff that they could fall into and snakes that could bite them. We were all on high alert for, like, 48 hours straight. But it was. It was a fun time. [00:01:39] Speaker A: Yes. Yeah, it's. I mean, when you're in the madness with other people that just get it and, like, you know, you're just playing zone defense. It's like, hey, I gotta run in and go grab something. You good? You got this. Like, you just. You just. You don't even have to communicate that sometimes. But, yeah, my dad texted us, texted me, like, as I'm pulling up that afternoon on Friday and was like, hey, some of the neighbors saw a massive snake near, you know, the property and down near the COVID I'm like, great, One of these 11 kids is gonna get bit by a snake. But we made it and no one got bit. [00:02:09] Speaker B: They'll survive, man. Went out on the. On the boat, dude. It was a fun time. [00:02:13] Speaker A: That was. I think that was maybe my highlight was when I was posted up in the tube and laying back and we went and parked the pontoon boat up on like a sandbar and just let the kids, like, explore out on that. Not so great, you know, island in Cedar Creek in Texas. But it was an absolute blast. And well, man, let's jump into it. Things to get the podcast and the conversation kick in. Some things that you have put on here and told me, man of God, husband, father to two of the sweetest girls in the world, you're a connector. You got a pretty entrepreneurial recruiting kind of background. But also, I liked what you said. You're kind of like a broker of relationships, connecting, creating synergy, adding value to people. We won't touch on that just yet, but touch on the things that kind of make you tick. Being a man of God, a husband and a father to two beautiful girls. They are precious. [00:03:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Thank you. Married for 13 years to my wife, Erin. And so, yeah, so we got married and she's awesome. And two little girls, Vivian, who's 4, and Colette, who's 2. And you know, Vivian is. Is sweet and soft and tender, and Colette is a little tornado, you know, very sweet and also sour some days. But man, yeah, it's bring a lot of joy. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Thank you. Did you guys. So Baylor and then California, when you got married, were you back here in Texas? [00:03:40] Speaker B: Yeah, so we got married and moved back here and lived in Frisco and I was on staff at the Village in the Village church in Flower Mound for a couple of years doing worship. And then we moved out to California actually to help plant a church and live there for eight years. Lived in Southern California and Orange county and built a lot of great friendships there. [00:04:02] Speaker A: And what years was that? [00:04:04] Speaker B: It was 2000, like 2013 or 14 to 2021, something like that. [00:04:11] Speaker A: Oh, wow. Recently back here. [00:04:13] Speaker B: Yeah. So when we had Vivian, you know, all of our family's based back here. That's when Covid happened. A lot of things changed and we. We moved back to Frisco. So we live in Frisco now. Yeah. Immediately came back to citizens. I obviously bleekers there, who is my boss at the Village. And so it just kind of made sense. And so knew a couple of people and. And then got to meet great people like you guys since we've been here. [00:04:38] Speaker A: That's so cool. [00:04:39] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:04:39] Speaker A: And Aaron, she's full time mom in it. [00:04:41] Speaker B: Full time mom in it? [00:04:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:43] Speaker B: Yeah, She's. She does all the things. She's a room mom for both of our daughters. Classes and their little preschool and does all the activities and. Yeah, she's. She's like, mom. Mom lifing hard right now. [00:04:57] Speaker A: Yeah, man. Okay, so talk a little bit more about, kind of tell me a little bit more about just Yalls journey, transitioning back here to Texas, I guess. Were you guys pregnant when you moved back, or you just had Vivian? [00:05:10] Speaker B: We had just had Vivian. Yeah, we had Vivian, and so she was about a year old when we moved out here. [00:05:14] Speaker A: Okay. How was the transition with fatherhood, you know, obviously with your marriage and then moving here and, you know. I know. And we can chat and get a little bit into it. Were you doing some of the recruiting during your transition, or was that something that started closer to you guys coming back to Texas? [00:05:31] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:05:31] Speaker A: How was all of that transition? [00:05:33] Speaker B: Yeah, so we had Vivian in California. She's a little California baby, and she had just turned one. And we moved back here, and it was. It was. It was. It was tough, man. You know, we had a really good group of friends in California. It was a really unique situation where we all planted the church together. And so there was a group of like 10 or 15 couples, you know, that were like, all our best friends, and we all had kids at the same time, and we all did the same, you know, and so it was just like. It was a really sweet season of life. Really unique situation where it's like, you know, anytime someone had a birthday or it's like July 4th or New Year's, you're like, what are we doing? We're all hanging out together. You know, it's like that built in kind of family. And so it was really sweet, man. And so we coming back to Texas, we knew some people had family here, which is helpful, and we knew some people from having grown up here, but it was a little jarring to go from that level of community and that depth of relationship to. To not oversee. But, you know, thankfully, you know, we. We. We put. We put a lot of effort into growing that community and have built some great friendships since being back. [00:06:46] Speaker A: Have you stayed pretty close with a lot of them? Do you guys go up there occasionally back to California? [00:06:52] Speaker B: Yeah, we. We go at least once a year. And so we went in August and got an Airbnb with our friends and let all our kids run around like crazy. And, yeah, it was super good to just get caught up with them, but, you know, it's. It's. It's actually been a really interesting thing of these people that mean so much, so much to me. I no longer live near them, and they've Moved away. And their life has changed, and my life has changed, and I still deeply care about them, but it would be unfair to my community here, to friends like you, to, you know, to not fully invest here and where I am now because I was just kind of always missing, you know, this. This community that I had. And so it's like. Yeah, it's actually been a weird thing where I'm like, what do I. So what do I do with these relationships in my head? How do I categorize them? Dude. And how do I think about seasons of life that were but no longer are. Yes. And. And it's okay to. For relationships to change and. And for the relationship to change from like, hey, I see you every day and you know me, to I love you deeply and I miss you, but you're not. You're not a part of my everyday life anymore. [00:08:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:08:06] Speaker B: You know. [00:08:07] Speaker A: Yeah. I was going to honestly, like, ask a question like that. It's. I have. It makes me think of a group of buddies that I'm still super close with from high school. Some are still here. [00:08:15] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:16] Speaker A: Kind of in the Metroplex, and others are moved out. And I haven't had Snapchat for a while. And the only reason I have that is to be a part and see that group. [00:08:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:24] Speaker A: And it's been this eerie kind of, like, lonely feeling of fomo, of wondering how they're doing. And it's like, do they hang out a lot? [00:08:33] Speaker B: Like, without you? [00:08:35] Speaker A: No, not too much. I mean, yes and no. Like, they do some golf trips and the guys. And then. Yes. Sometimes on occasional birthdays, like, you know, the. The whole families will come and stuff. But, yeah, you hit it right on the head. It's like, you. There's this love and appreciation and respect for that season, but also it's like, you know, how do you continue to also juggle the forward movement of just life and growth and development? And, you know, sometimes that. That's a complete change, but I can't imagine, like, uprooting from Texas and living here really my whole life, and you guys making such deep, authentic relationships in California and then moving like, it's almost, in a way, maybe, like, feel like a dream. Like, man, did eight years. [00:09:20] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:09:20] Speaker A: Just flew by. [00:09:21] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, it really did, man. And I mean, you know, you mentioned Snapchat, like, and so you think about, like, social media, and one of the things that I've learned through those transitions is the value of having a sense of place in your life. And, you know, social media has. And being online and the fact that we have a computer that's more powerful than any computer that's ever existed in the history of humanity in our pockets at all times, it can very easily and very quickly pull us out of the here and now, you know, and we can be sort of physically here without being here. And so, like, what you experienced, I've experienced that, too. Right. Like, you see what your friends are doing online, and you're like, oh, man, I used to be a part of that, you know, and it can take you out of the place that you are today. And there's a lot of value in having a sense of place in your life, you know, and being where you are and there, you know, sense of places have people and they have histories and they have cultures and ways of doing things, and it's good for you to. Yeah. To be where you are, to be present, you know? [00:10:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:10:48] Speaker B: And that's very foreign today, you know, like my. Our pastor at our last church, Nick Bogarda. Shout out. I love you, dude. He's since moved and he's now a pastor. He's an executive pastor at a larger church in Michigan. He was my best friend and my pastor and definitely my mentor. And he kind of challenged me in that sense of placeness and helped me think about that a lot. He had me read a book by a guy, by an author named Wendleberry. And it's this book called Jaber Crow. And it's about this guy that's living in this fictional town, in this fictional fishing town in Mississippi in the 1930s. And the plot of the book is, like, this guy's kind of normal agrarian life and how he goes and sees his neighbors and goes and talks to his barber. And there's not a lot that happens in the book. It's just this guy kind of living this boring life in this kind of farm town in Mississippi. And that's kind of the point is, like, that. That's a lot of life is just like, knowing the people around you and knowing the place around you. And so when I moved back here, I actually went on kind of like a deep dive of like, okay, I want to know the history. I want to. I want to read books and learn about the history of Texas and the history of the city that I live in. And I'm going to dive deeply into being here. [00:12:09] Speaker A: So, yeah. Yeah, it's really good place. It's. Yeah, it definitely adds that unique perspective of just the true reality, a part of one of the many realities of social media. Like, it's so easy for us to escape on our phone and be physically somewhere, but in our minds, think we want to be somewhere else or do something else or feel like we're missing out on something. And when really it's like, bro, there's so much life to live right here. Like, add value to the community, to the people around you, your family, your friends, your, your businesses, all of that, like, where your feet are. So, yeah, that's really good. [00:12:44] Speaker B: Yeah, man. [00:12:45] Speaker A: Thank you for sharing that. Yeah. And so if you guys dive in a little bit deeper, to you being a connector, kind of a broker, relationships, how has that played out in your business life, in your entrepreneur adventures? Yeah, you know, obviously through your time in church and then outside of that. [00:13:01] Speaker B: Yeah, I, so I started my career at a recruiting agency. I got that job. [00:13:06] Speaker A: Nice. [00:13:07] Speaker B: Because I graduated college and no one else was giving out jobs and that. It's like in that time and they told me they'd pay me $30,000 a year, and I thought that sounded great, so I took it. And my first boss, who's still a friend of mine today, I remember one of these, he told me was like, hey, one of the ways to make yourself indispensable in business and to actually add value in business is to be a broker. I'm like, okay, I don't know what a broker is. What, what's a broker? A broker is a connector. And he's like, there's really two things that you can connect that you can broker. It's money and it's relationships. If you can be in the middle of brokering money or relationships, you're, you're kind of indispensable in your career. And that always stuck with me. And so I, I, I, I, you know, on the recruiting side, executive search or head hunting, I, I, I kind of fell into that and, you know, been in that, you know, was in that business for, you know, a decade. The first, you know, a long, long time, my career. And it was, it was great. You know, it's, it's connecting, connecting people with companies and so owned a business for, for a while and with a business partner who's a great guy and did a lot of recruiting and tech and stuff. And, you know, now I've made some pivots into some other things and obviously been a, tried to be a connector in church and tried to connect friends to, you know, to different people. And yeah, now I'm in, you know, starting to go into the more of the kind of finance world and connecting people there. And. But that's the way when I, when I think about entrepreneurship and business, for me, it doesn't have to be this way for everybody. I'm less passionate about, like, the exact industry. Like, you're in the fitness industry industry. Right. You're super passionate about that. You do. You just showed me your, your studio, which is awesome. Super cool studio, and that's what you're passionate about. For me, I'm like, I'm a little bit kind of industry agnostic. Whether it's like finance or tech or recruiting or building houses or whatever. I'm more so like, hey, how can I be kind of on the, how can I be in a place where, yeah, maybe the kind of the outskirts? And it's like, I just, I want to bring people in to hopefully I'm doing something cool with my life and my career. Yeah. I try to. And I want to bring people into spaces where interesting things are happening. That's, that, that's, that's really more how I think about it. And so, so, yeah, that's that, that's. I, I, I want to. When I think about business and entrepreneurship, I'm like, I more so want to do interesting things and be an interesting person and live an interesting life with interesting people and bring new people into the fray. That's my goal. [00:16:03] Speaker A: Yeah. And just seeing some of the fruit that ends up blossoming from those connections, brokering relationships, things of that nature. [00:16:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And I mean, because I've done this exercise before and I've thought about kind of the most pivotal points in my life or most, I don't know, most important sort of paths that I've taken one way or the other in my life. And when I reflect on it, I'm like, it always had to do with a relationship that I made, somebody that I met, someone that I was introduced to, someone that I chased down and forced a relationship to happen. And that pivot, that was a good, you know, that I, that I look back and I'm like, that was a good thing. I'm glad, I'm glad that happened. It's like, well, it's because I, I met this person. [00:16:52] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:52] Speaker B: And then, and then everything, you know, kind of changed totally. [00:16:56] Speaker A: I feel like in a, in a very kind of yin yang way. I feel in a very similar way, but almost opposite in the sense of where I kind of just fell into, like, my passion of fitness. I was a good athlete and always knew it was a big part of my identity. And then I came, like, if you would ask me in high school if that would Own a gym and be a fitness professional. I probably would be like, I don't think so. I mean, yes, I think I foresee working out and healthy lifestyle part of my life, but not owning a gym. And I don't think I define success with that. But as I've got into it and got into the CrossFit space and into personal training, I enjoyed it so much. But what I've really learned is now an entrepreneur and owning my own business and then cultivating relationships and even now the gym build business and then this podcast, these other kind of legs and branches that are all adding synergy and value is what I've really realized over these past couple years is the deeper root is I love making relationships and connecting people and the avenue that I'm doing that is through kind of this higher end fitness training experience and then being able to connect my synergy partners, subcontract guys I work with on the gym side. Gym build side. Connecting other clientele with other clients that can build opportunity together within their businesses and their relationships. And that is like what I really, really enjoy the most. [00:18:20] Speaker B: And you're good at it too, man. [00:18:21] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, thank you. [00:18:23] Speaker B: And the cool thing about what you're, what you're doing is, you know, when somebody in, in the fitness world, it's like when somebody trusts you with their health and their, their, their body, they're going to trust you in other areas too. Right. You, you, you demonstrate competence in one area that's important to that person. [00:18:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:41] Speaker B: And then if you send them to somebody else or want to connect them with somebody else, they're going to trust you. Or alternatively, when they, when they think about you, they're like, oh, I need to connect this person with, with Michael, you know? [00:18:53] Speaker A: Yep. [00:18:54] Speaker B: And, and so, I mean, it's because you have, you have demonstrated competence and passion and character in what you've chosen to do to where you, you, you draw other people to you. I mean, that's why I'm here, you know, I mean, you and I haven't been friends for a long time, but yeah, I feel like we've, our relationship's grown pretty quickly. And that's because I'm like, man, this guy, he, he, he's extremely competent, he cares a lot about what he does and he's good at it and I trust him, you know, and that draws people to you. [00:19:23] Speaker A: Yeah, Yeah, I think that's it. I mean, even going back to, I shared this with Dr. Newhart who was on a previous episode, and I got to be on A talk show on up in his space in Fort Worth. And it's, you know, being in your profession, your space is one thing, but being in your profession, in your space and then really caring for, like, a further impact, a deeper reach. Of course, I believe that that can be more of an understanding that, like, we're. This isn't our final resting place. We're meant to make a greater impact than just our job. And wake up is. I want people to think of me not in a way that I need them to, but, like, I appreciate the value that I can add in other areas. Like, I want to be a great trainer and great business professional, but I also want people to know, like, trust me and be like, man, Michael knows a guy for that and because he's shown that in the past and all of that. And so I think that type of value in any profession adds so much more opportunity to get in front of others, to get in front of more people, to share your passion, but then also share the network and kind of continue to pull the net of people along the way with you as you grow through seasons of life chapters, success, and, you know, all of those things. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: And that's what I've. I think I've really enjoyed even more over this kind of entrepreneurial journey over these past three to five years and. Sounds like a lot of, you know, what you've really been doing and where your success has come. [00:20:48] Speaker B: I like the idea of, like, taking people with you. [00:20:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Because, like, so much of the richness of life comes from relationships and comes from the people that, like, you do life with, you know? [00:21:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:02] Speaker B: And so it's like, how much of a bummer would it be to crush it in your business and to have zero friends? You know, it's like, I. I would rather. I would honestly rather do okay in. In business or entrepreneurship or. Or whatever the project is. [00:21:16] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:17] Speaker B: But if I was passionate about doing it and loved doing it with. And I got to do it with cool guys. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Yep. [00:21:24] Speaker B: And. And. And. And got to surround myself with awesome, awesome people every day who care about me and my family and who I am as a person, not just what I can produce for them. [00:21:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:35] Speaker B: You know, it makes life a lot more fun, a lot richer, for sure. [00:21:41] Speaker A: You know, So I got a question for you then. You know, based off of, you know, your time in California and you working, you know, and being successful in kind of the recruiting space from when you started, so when you stopped kind of in the recruiting space, did you kind of maybe have a younger definition of what success looked like and if so, how has that transformed over your time as you've become a husband, a father, and continued your growth and your business pursuits? [00:22:08] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I mean so it's, it's interesting man, that the I, I at times I have related. You talked about social media earlier and, and, and we've all kind of seen on, on Instagram or on TikTok or whatever like the hustle culture idea. It's like, you know, when we were, we work was big. I used to work out of a we work and they'd have like the signs that say like hustle harder and you know, and it, it created this idea that work brought all of your value to you. You were, you were worth, you were worth whatever you could produce at work. And it's very easy to fall into that trap. Especially as men, we can fall into that trap, you know, really quickly. And I, and, and I, I've fallen into that trap before. But what that produced in me oftentimes was a, was a, a reaction against that where I'm like, I'm not going to be defined by my work, I'm not going to be defined by my career. And, and so you know, for me like, and, and that's, that's gotten to an, health, an unhealthy place at times in my career. But for me, and like the way that I define success in my life is, is, is oftentimes very different than, you know, I don't know, some, some other, some other guys that I hang out with, you know, because I, as it occurs to me, very oftentimes people create their, you know, their goal and what success looks like for them based off of what everybody else tells them success should look like for them. And a lot of times they don't even realize it. And I include myself in this too. I do this all the time too. But oftentimes their picture of success is built off of like what the world or what social media or you know, or what their dad or mom has told them success should be or what their friends tell them. I've had these conversations several times with buddies before and when I talk to them about this, I'm like, hey, I would encourage you to get really, really honest with yourself and really, really clear about what living a whole hearted successful life looks like for you. And it may be different than, it will be different than my life, but there's a good chance it's different than your knee jerk reaction or if you haven't considered it before, deeply what you think it is now. And so for me, I'm like, the way that I measure success in my life career is like 10% of it. And I think when you look at success in your life, you've got to put some guardrails around it. You've got to put some, you gotta put some tracks along the success journey that keep you on the path that you want to be on. And so for me, what that looks like practically, like, super tactically is like, I have a document on my phone that lists out my values for my life. And it basically is like, hey, if Jay is living the life that I want to live holistically, what does that look like? What am I doing? What do things look like in different spheres of my life? And so I look at that every day. I look at that every morning. Every single morning I wake up and I look at that and it's a really good reorientation of like, this is when it, you know, whenever I was clear headed before the day started coming at me, whenever I started, you know, when I wasn't stressed, when I wasn't, you know, angry, when I wasn't being lured by just making as much money as possible, this is what I said were the things that were important to me in my life. And, and so reading those every day is, is a really helpful reorientation of like, it's a reminder every day, like, okay, no, this is what I said success looks like for me. [00:26:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:17] Speaker B: And it becomes a lot easier when you have that level of clarity and, and that consistency of reminding yourself to get to say no to things. [00:26:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:27] Speaker B: You know, like, hey, no, that does not align with the vision that I have for a successful, wholehearted, passionate life for me. 100, you know. [00:26:37] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm sure being a relational guy like you, being a connector and being a family man and a dad, it's hard to say no a lot. [00:26:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:47] Speaker A: And that's something I'm always trying to get better at is how can I respectfully say no more in a loving way, you know? [00:26:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:26:55] Speaker A: And just really like you said, focus in on just the practicality and tactically of like what success really is for you, for me and for our families. [00:27:06] Speaker B: You're human. Right. You have finite amount. You have a finite amount of time and energy and focus to give. And so what that means is like, and especially when you have kids, especially when you have a family, it's like, what that means is like. Did you ever see the movie yes man with Jim Carrey? It's like where he said yes, old one. Yeah, it's like in the 90s, right. And it glorifies this idea of like kind of saying yes to everything and it creates this adventurous life and it's like, well, it's cool for a movie, but in reality, no, it creates a lot of chaos and it creates a lot of things left undone and promises broken and kids that don't get to see their dad and wives that don't feel, or husbands that don't feel loved. And like, the reality is you actually have to say no to most things. [00:27:53] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:53] Speaker B: To actually live the life that you want to live so that you can go hard on the yeses. [00:28:00] Speaker A: Yeah. I liked what you said too. When you kind of look back at your goals of defining success and your, your list that you said you've made in that your, your job or your work is like 10% of that and it's like, wow, that's, that's exciting. But then also being honest, you know, being in the grind of being a business owner, it's also can be stressful sometimes. Like, okay, how can I make this vehicle of work, of work work for really the other things I really want to do? And being a present dad, being involved in sports, extracurricular things, intentionality with my wife, building relationships with our community. Any value that you have added into your day to day that has helped sustain kind of those boundaries of work, play life, relationships. [00:28:55] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a good question. I mean, the practice of doing that every morning is a value in and of itself. And for me, this may sound a little like woo, woo kind of new age. It's not. But I try to associate like vivid pictures of what those kind of pillars look like in my life. Right. And so when I say the value that's associated with my family, I try to like take even five seconds and just imagine like, okay, hey, what is kind of like a picture, if I were to play a five second movie of what success looks like in this area of my life, what does that look like? And some days it looks like, I don't know, taking a month off to go on vacation with my family, you know, and the memories. Okay, cool. And I watched that little movie for five seconds and it's like, okay, that reminds me, you know, the success that I want in my health, like what I want my body to feel like and look like and move like, okay, let me play that little five second movie for a second. And it just, it connects you with it. And so like that daily practice is super helpful. And then, and then moving it forward To, I mean, on that same documentary, I. Along with those little movies, there's actions of like, hey, bare minimum, if I am winning in this area, in this area, in this area, what does that actually look like? What am I doing? How am I going to know if I'm winning? And I have actions. I'm like, hey, man, if I'm winning in this area, if I'm winning in my relationships with my friends and my community, it looks like I am having family over to my house for dinner at least two times a month. And so it's really easy for me to look. I'm like, am I doing that or am I not? Cause that's how I said I'd know if I was winning. It's a really easy way to know if I'm winning. Okay, I'm not doing that. All right, well, to do list created. Got it. And Aaron and I, every Sunday night we'd sit down and we look at our weeks and I try to build some of that into it, where we go through every single day in our week and what's going on. And then we ask each other questions about, like, hey, how did, how did last week go? How are you feeling about this week? What do we need to be looking out for? And oftentimes that's where I'll bring it up. Like, hey, I. I want to get a family on the calendar to come over to our house for dinner. Let's talk about who we want to connect with or invest in or we need to invest in us. Okay, cool. Are you going to reach out to them or am I right? And so it's kind of. That's a helpful forcing function as well for us. [00:31:25] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being able to kind of capture you on the same page with, with the wife at home and, and be able to grow together. I think that's, yeah. Going back to kind of social media we chatted a little bit about. But then also I think that kind of ties into a little bit of roles within the household. I mean, I would like to say that I'm a little bit more old school or want to continue to be a little bit more old school and just like our roles as husband, wives. And not to say that, like, we don't help each other right through just the madness and chaos of, you know, cooking and cleaning, all of those things, and say, oh, no, that's your lane. This is my lane. But also within social media, we just see highlights. We just see highlights of people's kind of lifestyles and exciting things or someone Goes on a trip for a month and they're like, oh, well, that might be nice. But it's like, well, you don't know the conversations in the back end that it took to get to that place in the years or whatnot. So, yeah, I think what you had, what you said you and Aaron do definitely shows. You know, obviously we're still getting to know each other more, but just you can feel a sense of. Of union and connection, I think, with you and Aaron. I think you guys radiate that, you know, with the time that we've had at the lake and then also at church and also, honestly, probably a piece that kind of really drew us and drew me to wanting to get to know you guys more, you know. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Thank you. [00:32:45] Speaker A: And it's cool to hear a little bit more kind of behind scenes of what help plays into that. [00:32:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:32:50] Speaker A: You know. [00:32:50] Speaker B: Yeah, it's. It's to your point, about, like the highlights on social media. And thank you for saying that. I mean, that's. That, that means a lot to me because I want to be unified with her and, you know, and, and. But yeah, to your point, like highlight reels on social media, it's like, there's a lot that goes into that. You know, it's like you take your shirt off in the beach and in the summer, and you can tell who's been working out, who's not been working out through winter. Right. Like, to use a metaphor in your world. And I mean, it's not even a metaphor. It's just, it's also true. It's like, it's. It's. How do you. Do you have those rhythms built into your life? And are you disciplined about, you know, about those, about those rhythms, about those, you know, those guardrails staying on those guardrails. Because it's really easy, man. It's really easy to not be. And there are many days that I don't. I get off the rails. And so it's. How do you handle the discipline of boring, messy everyday life instead of the online social media version? Not that there's anything wrong with social media. [00:34:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:02] Speaker B: I don't want to seem like I hate it, but there's a lot more juice there. [00:34:07] Speaker A: Totally. Well, dude, man, we, like, flew through that. Like, we're. We done on time? We're close. I got one last thing I want to ask you, and then I ask everyone at the end is based off of who you are, where you've been and where you're going, what are a last few. One or two touches that you think can really add value to the listeners, to the audience that you've been through that have helped you? I know we've talked on some of them, but any others? [00:34:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I'd say my biggest one is get good friends, man. [00:34:35] Speaker A: Nice. [00:34:35] Speaker B: Get good friends. Especially for males out there. There's an epidemic of loneliness, of people who are doing life alone. And we were not created to do life in isolation. [00:34:52] Speaker A: Yep. [00:34:53] Speaker B: And so find some good friends that you can do life beside. You can go into battle together, that you can have a lot of laughs together and that know you deeply, that you can be honest with, that they can give you feedback. And that's why I'm excited about our, you know, the relationship. We're. We're. We're growing, man, as I see you as that kind of guy. And I would just say take that area of your life very seriously, because, you know, you look at guys that are in their 50s and 60s, and. And this, again, this goes. It goes for females as well, but as a male, it's. It's. [00:35:33] Speaker A: I. [00:35:33] Speaker B: And it's. It's. It's even more pertinent, in my opinion, to them right now. And it's like, so. So few people at that age. Men at that age have good friends. [00:35:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:44] Speaker B: And it's like, well, now is when it starts, you know? [00:35:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:35:48] Speaker B: And so do whatever it takes. Be as vulnerable as you need to be. Be as purposeful as you need to be to chase down some good dudes that you can do life with, and it'll make life a lot richer and help you avoid a lot of mistakes if they're. If they're men of character, for sure. [00:36:04] Speaker A: Hey, Kevin. I love that. Well, dude, thank you for so much. Thank you so much for joining us on the Proper form podcast for coming on to this episode. I look forward to maybe getting on another one in the future and excited to just continue to evolve and. And grow our friendship and to just continue to see what God's going to do through it. [00:36:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Thanks for having me, man. [00:36:24] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:36:25] Speaker B: Awesome to be here. [00:36:25] Speaker A: Thank you guys so much for tuning in episode 14 with Jay Howard from the Proper form podcast. You can find it on Apple podcasts, Spotify and YouTube. Until next time, y'all have a good one. Thanks.